well I can't set my house on fire every night
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
