I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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