just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
