it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
