shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
