that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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