He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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