I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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