Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
