My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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