did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
