i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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