Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
