Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
