you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
