I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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