we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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