Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
