It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
