From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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