Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
