who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ugly people sure do ruin things
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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