apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
