I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
