i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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