So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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