One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
