So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
