Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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