peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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