Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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