I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
