I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
