why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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