I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
