dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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