im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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