one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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