hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She made me pour olive oil on her.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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