...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
