I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
