He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
