hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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