Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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