You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
