You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
