it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
