I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
