I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
