no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
