I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
