I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
